Friday, October 29, 2010

Rejecting the rejection......an excerpt from writing of yemaya

There’s real truth in the saying “There’s no such thing as rejection, only other people’s limitations.” When we experience “rejection,” we seem to immediately take it as a judgment of our own personal value. When our self esteem is low, we can actually start to feel as if someone’s limitations are a validation of that low self worth. Nothing could be further from reality. In my opinion, one of the largest social problems we face today is a general lack of confidence. We can see it in our children and the brutal and sad stories of suicide, bullying, and outbreaks of violence. What can we do to heal this?

If we work to heal ourselves, we set a wonderful example for any and all others we come into contact with. So let’s focus on how we can deal with what we perceive as rejection, and use these situations to be more gentle and loving to our own psyches, and therefore help heal those around us at the same time.

First of all, we assume that the reason for any lack of connection is based on self value. He didn’t like me because… I wasn’t pretty enough, I was too loud, he likes brunettes, etc, etc… We do not know that to be true, yet we choose to focus on our perceived shortcomings as the reason. We are rarely correct in our assumptions. Usually, it IS that person’s limitations that keep them from seeing the potential in the connection. Many, many times I am able to see reasons that were not even spoken of during a reading, and just as many times, words that were said that were not really truth. So even if that person claims that YOU are this or that, it’s just them not wanting to accept the blame for their own fears or inability to connect. I see this time and time again.

Why do we even spend any energy at all on wondering why they were unable to embrace the connection? And when we do, why is it that we tend to take it for a fact that it was our short comings that did it? Maybe because it’s what we saw others doing as we were raised, or perhaps we were in toxic relationships. Either of these could have taught us such poor habits. We must relearn how to process life’s challenges without harming ourselves or teaching our loved ones to do the same!

Stop asking why, accept that it doesn’t matter, and move on. Work on making your life better, doing more to take action on those ideas and desires for things that you CAN control in your own life. While you’re busy working towards a healthier self esteem, you’ll shine that light of confidence and self love. Become the person you want to be, and you WILL attract someone who can and will respect you for who you are.

Friday, October 22, 2010

ruf note frm oktobur rains-taken frm moments

'us' has been like the feel of soft drizzle on cheeks,
you filling my heart with affection so deep,
your eyes on my face as i wake up from sleep,
bear size hugs with warmth as of live teddy,
fragrance interchanged and happiness,

Saturday, October 16, 2010

smoothies of life...2...

Cometh the festival of Navratri and heart fills with gladness.Though at our home it is celebrated with utmost simplicity but it brings a welcome message marking the beginning of festivities.The goddess Durga in all her nine menifestations looks like power,peace,nurturer and courage all wrapped for faith and worship.

At our home its time of prayers and li'l rituals.Beginning with the sthapna of devi(inviting goddess for stay) and sowing of barley in earthern pot, it goes on with daily reading of Durga saptshati and Ramayana(not always)for nine days when on ninth day nine young girls and one boy are worshipped.The tenth day(known as the day when Ravan was liberated)is the concluding day when barley is harvested and goddess is given farewell,thanked and requested to come again.

Since my mom does sthapna,she keeps fast for all nine days and reads the prayers for goddess.I help with Ramayana if i am around.I love the morning and evening prayers in home with whole house filled with fragrace of camphor and incense.

When i left home for studies and thought of mom,i always remembered her in red cotton saree,red dot on forehead with plate full of red hibiscus flowers and washed hair,just ready to sit for prayers.Somehow once i left home,i missed the celebration except for once in past ten years.But this season, i didn't miss it rather rejoiced even more as we celebrated it in my current place here at lucknow.

With dad also giving surprise visit on early morning of ninth day when a day before, me and mom were thinking how to break the cocunut for prasad.Its men of household who are supposed to break the coconut put in prayers from first day.Voila! here he was and he kept up with the small norm.An omen of getting coconut full of water and sweet in taste has been observed.

Blessed!

smoothies of life.....1..

My first video chat took place with me and parents at Jaipur and my bro's family at bangalore...de lovely cuddly Tanya was so excited to see us all on screen that started pushing her head into camera and then as last resort tried her best to get into screen to reach us...was gr8 fun watching her and very soft remembrance of lov.

Friday, October 15, 2010

musing...

red strip and blue base,this is how goes Ck upto the waist,
           twinkle in eye,smile set to fly,
           light so dim and night full upto de brim
           the chill outside and warmth inside,
          reaching of two made room full,
          may be it was me and you.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

when seasons met!

Once summer met with early winters
In between came rains,
Summer thirsted for nest in rains
Winters wanted drizzle of sunlight
Parted summer with thirst
winter left in its usual bounty
And somewhere stayed rains

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

i liked this!

Let us not be like a cocktail..that we loose our identities , not like a salad..that we sit apart and dormant, but like a football team that can togather win the goal of happiness :)

Monday, August 30, 2010

i luv love

the butterflies making love
is the site of love...
it shows rains bring msg of love..
their love is life..
like an oasis in drylands
the love of love
fill me in
like a butterfly
i too want to celebrate you!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me, but don't be fooled.
For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.

But don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good,
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game,
my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine,
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully
and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like to hide.
I don't like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,
very feeble wings, but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator,
an honest-to-God creator of the person
that is me if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainty,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.

Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man,
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,
and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands
but with gentle hands for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn

Sunday, August 8, 2010

time is like a butterlfy

i can issue a blank cheque of sorries
if you agree to encash them all and remove all greys....

i have all the magic dusts
if you agree to work on us

by building a wall around me,
i was seeing if you would try to climb it.

coz all i want is to feel wanted

no i don't want to be a filler,
an advert to enjoy till real flick starts...
i missed you much while i was inside the wall...
and still do..

you make me happy and content
you make me confused and i doubt

and then i think this is how metro games start and end..
may be it was only a game..
thats why so easy for you to let go..
no need to explain or let me know if i m thinking wrong..

as time goes by and you don't make a step
i will feel i was the only one standing by the seed of 'us'
friendship ends when sharing ends
love ends when caring ends

tagging 'us' in different names
i have spent good time....

the cut i carried in heart was fruit of nameless relationship
no i don't want any thing more where i don't know..
this is why i want to know..
give a name and keep it

may be someday i will just stop waiting
and you and i will get lost in the world
may be..but who knows
coz time is like a butterfly
sometimes seen sometimes not
but it keeps on flying...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

song of boredom....

Ladies and Gentlemen...here is the song of boredom!!





this month is goin to witness
death out of boredom.......

behind the cool composed me
AAAAAAEEEEEE screams my heart.

where is the panacea to my soul...
Meditation!!!helps me meditate more on wordless days



worked on whole house with fevicol and M-seal..
Ok! but how do i mend time!!

had retail therapy..fanciest pair of sandals..
where do i wear them!!!

read the novel of most articulate author..
Ok!world needs a rescue,i need urgently!!

cooking is indulgence..made new recipes..
Ok!why are these days cooking me!!!

creativity fills the heart and so does my finesse in art..
Ok!what empty vessel is my heart still!!!

nature walk is akin to meditation
Ok!technological modes networking,voice chatting all exhausted

NOW WHAT!!
nothing works
nothing really happens

AAAAAAEEEEEE screams my heart...
what is this cloud on my mind...
sunshine please shine
want to fall now...
want to run away...
want to talk...
want to break free....
want to dance till music dies...
want a touch..
want humans not space..

AAAAAAAAEEEEEEE screams my heart....
how do i fast forward time

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

there is freedom in loving you....


i sense freedom in loving you,
bondage in not being to express.
i find shade in clouds of my skies,
like dark tints in your eyes.
i feel joy in finding you,
fear in thought of loosing you.
i could collect myself once,
scattering again is risk.
i just sit and watch the sparkling stream,
flood can release me from bondage.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

meri khwaish

मैने रोज रात की गुल्लक्क में सपनों की चिल्लड़ डाली है.
मुझे एक सिरहाने से रिश्ते की ख्वाइश है.

एक दिन चाहिये गुलमोहर सा,
जो ख़तम होता हो रात की रानी में.

एक रिश्ता चाहिए भरोसे जैसा.
बात होती हो रोज जिसमें सबकी,
कुछ तेरी-कुछ मेरी दुनिया की,

सभी खुशियों की और सभी ग़मों की,
कुछ तेरी-कुछ मेरी दुनिया के,

ढूंढ होती हो जिसमें आँखों में ,
सिर्फ एहसास समझने के लिए,
कोई उत्तर ढूँढने के लिये नहीं,

भरोसा हो एक-दुसरे के दिल पर,
सब पल का एक पल और प्यार पर.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

secret disposition

Like a mist i want to fall on u..Cover de petals of shade so blue, Morning u wake up and i want to shine as pearls in morning hue....

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

my definition of life

Sometimes the stars don’t shine and sometimes the sun don’t comes up……..
life is just a miracle but only when fairies let it go………………..
u see angel in the eyes of demon and demon turns friend………
u saw treachery in the eyes of friend and he is ur worst man.
Where do life begins we always wonder….
and we end it when we think of it…
life is just a sound board and echoes what ever u say……..
u sing melody this time and hear the heavens sing.
For may be flowers waited too long
but they wilted
and perhaps rains came
only when clouds were not seen

wanted gift frm u

give me not gold
it leaves me unimpressed

give me not silver
its cold bites me

give me not diamond
its hardness hurts me

Give if you can …….

Give a thought……….
That can give me smile
When my eyes know nothing but to cry

Give a Dream
That can come in gloomy nights
When sleep betrays me

Give a promise
That can help me stand
When world bogs me down

But if only you can…………

Give me…..me!

nupur
bhuj..2001

Monday, January 4, 2010

.....

save ur stars and go to sea for some breeze,
when u come close to these
try ur luck to have some and spend on lease,
when the life slips by
there is nothing u can buy
buy the stars u saw once in ur dreams
all the dreams with ever new themes
keep these themes with ur life's schemes
take them all along for a rainy day,
and sing them loud walking on the bay......


With themes in ur songs , stars in ur eyes.
see the bays move when u walk by....
as u walk, allow life to come close by
in ur heart u recognise its eye...
the story it has in it, has always come by

for all the seasons u have lived..
u have seen this same changing face of life...
yet always known and so similar.
Having seen this contradiction
u realise its benediction.....


for stars can now be put back
and life taken by...
for all the seasons yet to be lived
u know these themes will always be dreamed.

nupur
yr2003